So my Ate (22) met this guy, let’s call him J (23 – i lied about this. He was actually 27 at that time ๐ฃ Cringey AF i know) in her church.
I liked J immediately. He’s tall and a little bit lanky. He’s quiet but he’s always funny when he speaks. He seems to only exist in hoodies. He has long eyelashes for a guy and he always smells good. As you probably can tell, I have a huge crush on him.
I don’t know when they started being in a relationship but almost everytime I visit my sister in her condo, J was there. He was always makulit with me, teasing me almost about anything, and quite frankly a little too touchy. But he was touchy with my sister too so I guess that’s ok. I thought ganon lang talaga sya with everyone. Plus i really like it. So there’s that.
I tried to guard my feelings for him because 1. He’s my sister’s boyfriend and 2. He’s a successful adult and I was a very unremarkable 17-year old high school girl. I tried to think of him as my kuya and even called him kuya j so that I will always be reminded to not be malandi. Lol
One night, I was watching stranger things with them in my sister’s place. The light was off and my sister was sitting in between J and I. J had his arm around her shoulders and she was leaning into him. I was minding my own business watching stranger things when i notice J’s hand caressing my sister’s shoulder and arm. I tried to ignore it kasi ang sakit beshieee pero di ko alam bat parang ang sarap panoorin. So i was watching his hand in corner of my eye when stranger things started happening (heh). His hand moved down to my sister’s boob. I was shooketh. That’s when i noticed that my sister looked hot af in her white spaghetti-strap fitted tank top pantulog and her pink cotton shorts. And that she’s not wearing a bra. I took note of it in my mind because maybe i would look hot in that too. Who knows. Lol.
As his fingertips were playing with her nipple, I was trying to breathe evenly. I can feel my face burn because your girl is sheltered AF and I haven’t seen anything like that. I felt my own nipples get hard I was both moist and hot between my legs. It was just a few minutes but I felt like it lasted for hours.
When I got home that night, I search for porn for the first time in my life hahaha. And the same night, I learned how to touch myself. Weirdly, after all the porn I saw (which is A LOT. I haven’t slept that night. I was up until around 5am) what made me finish (my first orgasm happened the same night hahahaha) was the image of J touching my sister’s boob. Not even them having sex, or J touching my boobs. Lol.
From then on i touched myself everyday, multiple times a day. I don’t even need any visual aids haha. I just imagine J doing all sorts of stuff to my sister (I know this is weird. Please dont judge) or to me, or to both me and my sister. Lol. Sometimes, during class, I would be so wet imagining stuff, I was afraid my wetness would seep through my clothes hahaha
Fast forward to a few months ago. My sister brought me to her church and I saw J there. I haven’t seen him for quite some time so I was so happy to be able to talk to him. I ask him why I don’t see him anymore. That’s when I found out that he and my sister broke up. Or more accurately, they never “officially” been together. That was confusing for me but religious people have a weird dating system so I didn’t push the matter. My sister never really talk to me about her dating life so I never asked.
J and I texted a lot after that meeting. We have a lot of “Good mornings” and “Sweet dreams” and “kain ka na”. Now that I’m talking about it, it sounds so lame haha. This went on for months until last April.
My 18th birthday was on the last week of April. I was really depressed the whole week because I was alone on my birthday. What a loser, right? Lol. My family decided they are all busy and that they would like to move my birthday a week after haha.
Anyway, I was texting J, being pabebe. Telling him how sad i am etc. He said i could come over to his house if i want to and that he would book me a grab. My hearts was pounding and i was really excited.
I said ok, I’ll come over. After I sent the text, i ran to the bathroom and showered thoroughly and shaved my legs, my pits, and for the first time in my life, my pussy. Asumera this girl. Lol
I put butter lotion from head to toe kahit ang init ng weather haha. I sprayed vanilla smelling perfume all over my body. When i chose my clothes, i was imagining J taking it off. I wore a white tank top (yes idol ko si ate) and a denim skirt and i tie a sweater around my waist para kunyari may attempt maging demure. I wore a back bra kahit kita through my top just so i can match it with black panties. Dun ko lang na realize na wala akong ibang matching underwear haha
J’s greeted me at the lobby. He was wearing a black semi-fitted shirt. I was so used to seeing him in hoodies so i was actually surprised that his arms are not as skinny as I thought. While we were in the elevator, i couldn’t stop looking at him. I realized that even though we talked a lot through the phone, I don’t see him often. He still smells the same. I felt some awkwardness between us as we walked through the hallway to his studio unit. We were not talking but we were both giggling for no reason.
I was sitting on his bed, browsing through netflix while he was heating some popcorn. Then i noticed, he’s got a good ass, this man. Hahaha
He turned off the lights and settled on the bed with me. He had no couch so we sat on his bed with his laptop on my knees. We were watching friends and after a few episodes, he said we might be more comfortable lying down. I put the laptop on his side table and setlled on my side facing the screen. He was behind me, propping his head up with hir arm. His other arm slid to my waist and his hand setlled on my stomach. I pretended that that was normal. He started caressing my tummy with his thumb and rested his head on the side of my face. I waited for his next moved but it was taking so long so i snuggled closer to him and he hugged me tighter. He started kissing my cheek. I turned my whole body around to face him. He had this look in his eyes that i haven’t seen before. He was always a chill, mellow guy but the look in his eyes that time was so intense it kinda scared me and made me excited at the same time. He leaned in to kiss me on the lips. It was light and sweet at first. He was caressing my back and the nape of my neck. I was beginning to breathe heavier and he started being more aggressive. His gentle touches became squeezes. He opened my mouth with his lips and touched his tongue with mine. His tongue was circling my mouth for a while before i realized that he was trying to make me put my tongue inside his mouth. When I did this, he instantly sucked on my tongue while squeezing my arm, my waist, my leg. He moved his lips to my neck and started sucking my skin but I tried to push him back gently. I might be malibog at that moment but it’s still my first time doing all those things. He got my signal and stopped what he was doing. We just looked at each others eyes for some time, which was awkward because friends was still playing and the laugh track was distracting.
J was still touching me leg up and down. He pulled it to him so that my thigh was resting on his hip. He then put his thogh in between my legs, close to my crotch. My skirt already rode up my legs and my underwear was almost visible. He was looking intently on my face as he caress my leg slowly, from my knees to my hip and down again. He make his way back up slowly, but this time, his hand went under my skirt into my ass and squeezed hard. It was so unexpected that i moaned so loadly. He repeated that again and again, slowly making his way to my ass and will be super agressive on the last second. And no matter how many times he did it, I was still moaning and he was just cooly watching my reaction. My hips started moving with his touch. He pressed his leg to my crotch and I pressed my crotch back while swaying back and forth. His hand was still going up and down my leg and ass. Soon enough i was dry humping his leg without me realizing it.
I closed my eyes and moaned. But he told me, tignan mo lang ako. So i tried to look at him while I’m humping his leg and moaning, ughh kuya j hmm. While i humped faster, he pulled my skirt up, exposed my panties and and spanked my butt cheek. He alternated between spanking and squeezing while i was in a frenzy of rubbing my clit to his leg through our clothes. Looking back, i was embarrassed how loud i was, saying things like, “yes! Yes! Yes!” and “ugh ugh ugh please please” like wtf. It doesn’t even make sense lol. He was squeezing my ass when i came and i hugged him tight with both my arms and legs while my whole body convulsed.
After i orgasmed, i immediately felt ashamed. I buried my face on J’s chest and I don’t know why but I cried a little. He was trying to make me face him but i stayed where I was. He smelled like soap and sweat and something manly. Inhaling his scent creates butterflies in my stomach. He just let me be and played with my hair, all the while, friends was still playing in the background.
When I finally showed my face, i saw that he has this worried look. “ok ka lang?” he asked. I just nodded because I was still embarassed from using his leg to masturbate and for being so loud. Feeling ko sinapian ako that time hahaha. He continued to caress my face and hair. His fingertips were tracing the contour of my forehead, my temples, my cheeks, my nose, down to my lips, all the while looking at me lovingly. I think I fell in love at that moment. Hahaha.
He traced my lower lip as light as a feather with his middle finger, then he gently pried my lips apart. I dont know what he was trying to do but I just went with it because it felt so hot and passionate. He slowly slid his middle finger inside my mouth. I dont know what to do but I know that that made me super wet. J moved his finger around my mouth and i circled my tongue around it. I pouted my lips and sucked his finger in and out of my mouth, looking at his face for affirmation. But the affirmation came from somewhere south. His hips jerked forward and I felt his abdomen tense up. His reaction made me feel powerful. Like, I did this to him! Me, a highschool girl make this grown man feel this way. It made me feel so confident, I stared intently into his eyes while i suck his finger.
J sort of grunted and then shifted so that he was on top of me. He slammed the laptop shut, instantly cutting off the laugh track of friends lol. J nuzzled his face on my neck and kissed me there. He moved up to my ear and sucked my earlobe. His rugged breath on my ears and neck sent shivers all over my body. He licked the inside of my ear and i shit you not, i felt like i squirted just by him doing that. I was wearing my panties then so I can’t be so sure but I know i was wet AF. I started breathing heavily again and I was squirming and moaning and i dont know what to do with myself. J moved the strap of my top with the strap of my bra down my shoulder so he could kiss my collar bones properly. He licked me slowly from my shoulder to my throat. He then went back up to my other ear and licked it. It made me moan particularly loud. J noticed that and he whispered into my ear, “Puta.”
I was shooketh. I never heard him swear before. I don’t know what to feel. I know I should feel offended but I actually felt dirty but in a good way.
I looked at his face and saw that he was unapologetic about it. He pulled my hair lightly but purposefully so that he could kiss my neck again. I felt confused about his aggression. It felt wrong but it felt soooo good. I decided not to worry about it because truth be told, I enjoyed it.
I put my legs around his hips and pulled him closer. “kuya higa ka sakin” I told him. He looked at me as if asking if im so sure, and then put all his weight on me. I’m 5’2″ and weigh around 50kg. He’s taller than me, maybe he’s around 5’11” and he weighs heavier than I anticipated. I almost couldn’t breathe and i loved it.
We made out like that for a while. My legs and arms tightly wrapped around him, and his full weight on me. He suddenly stopped and told me casually, “maghubad ka.” And I was like huh?
I was expecting him to be more romantic like in the movies. I was imagining he would ease his way inside my clothes and he would slowly undress me. Hindi yung, Oy! Hubad! Hahaha
But all i said was, “erm… shige” lol
He got off of me and i started to take off my top. But then he stopped me and said, “tayo ka” and then i like huh? for the second time. But i did not protest. I stood up beside the bed. He sat up and leaned on the wall staring at me. It was so awkward cause I don’t know if he’s expecting me to do a strip tease. I stood there stupidly just looking at him. I realized we were both waiting for the other person’s next move.
I laughed nervously and asked, “kuya ano na haha” Napasmile rin sya and said, “hubarin mo skirt mo”
I took off my gartered denim skirt. I did not do a strip tease because I’m boring. Lol. I stood in front of him with my white tank top, straps hanging on my shoulders and my black cotton panties (i wished i had a sexier underwear. Like something lacy). Oh and my thin, gold necklace with a little star pendant.
“kaya mong tanggalin bra mo nang hindi tinatanggal top mo?” he asked
I immediately did just that without answering his question. I threw my bra to his face because I thought that that was sexy. But then he laughed at me so maybe it was just stupid. He smelled my bra and we were both laughing.
“anong cup size mo?”
“A lang haha”
“A lang ba yan? Bat parang ang laki? Haha”
“ano namang alam mo sa cup size eh wala ka namang dede”
I was more confident now and I just stood there for him to admire. I pulled my shoulders back to further show him my breasts.
“bakat utong mo ah” He commented.
I don’t know why that made me shy. He stared at my breasts and we were quiet for a while. I began to feel self conscious again and i suck in my stomach just in case he thought I have bilbil and be turned off by it.
“tanggalin mo na yang damit mo. Wag yung panty.”
I obeyed and this time we were not laughing or making jokes. I felt like the air thickned. As my tank top dropped to the floor, I realized, whew. This is the first time somebody sees my body. I desperately wanted him to want what he sees. He did not speak. He just continued on staring up and and down my body.
J moved closer me. He sat on the edge of the bed and tap his lap. I sat on his lap and he put an arm around my waist and i put my arm around his neck. He parted my legs with his other hand. He slowly traced my pussy lips through the fabric of my underwear. I could feel his fingernail scratching me in all the right places.
“bat basa to?” he asked. as if he doesn’t already know the answer. I did not answer because he was getting into the rhythm that I like. He pulled up the garter of my panties to make the fabric taut with the hand that was around me while his other hand continued scratching my clit through the fabric. I tried my best to stay still. I bit my lip to try and not be as noisy as I was earlier. I closed my eyes and lean back, exposing my neck for him to kiss.
“tingin ka sakin” i realized he has a thing for this. He likes it when i look at him while I’m being pleasured. Which I find uncomfortable because I think I look stupid.
But I’m obedient so i tried not to break eye contact even when I’m moaning. “hawakan mo titi ko.” i was taken aback by this because i haven’t even seen a dick irl and i dont know what to do with it. But im a brave girl so i just went for the bulge between his legs. It was warm and squishy? I dont know what to do so i just sort of pat it and then squeeze it. Like wtf what am i doing. He doesn’t seem to mind and i think he was focused on not breaking the rhythm of rubbing my pussy so i just continued that awkward petting of his dick.
I was nearing another another orgasm when there was an effing knock on the door! My heart stopped and the whole universe stopped. I looked at J and there was panic on his face too. I jumped onto the bed and cover myself up with the comforter. J stealthily walked towards the door, almost tiptoeing. He looked through the peephole. I heared my heart pounding on my ears.
J walked back up to the bed and sat beside me. “ok lang. Sa kabila room yung kumakatok.” he whispered. I waited until I heard the door opened and closed from across the hall before I finally eased up. J and I looked at each other and it felt like our libog evaporated.
“gusto mo ng miryenda?” he asked. I was not really hungry becuase I ate a lot of popcorn but I needed to think so I just nodded.
I went under the sheets while J cooks some pancakes. I started tearing up. Again. I felt a jumble of emotions.
I know I really liked J but suddenly i became aware that I dont know what he feels for me. Am I just his second choice? Does he just think that I’m easy to get? Do i really want my first time to be with him? Who am i to him? Would I be just some other girl he banged? Would he be thinking of my sister as he fuck me? Is he really planning to fuck me? Am I ready to be fucked?
I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I never realized how much my virginity mattered to me until I was faced with the opportunity to lose it.
“gusto mo dito sa table?” J asked me. I didn’t answer. I felt him sit on the bed. He went under the comforter with me. He smelled like pancakes.
“hey” sabi nya. I just looked at him. He made me rest my head on his arm and his other arm embraced me. I felt safe. “ano iniisip mo?” he asked I was quiet for a while. Then i asked, “ilan na naka sex mo?” He didn’t seem to be taken aback with my question as i expected him to be. “Hindi maganda magbilang” he answered. “ilan nga? Marami ba?” “nung college oo. Pero di na ko ganun.” “bakit hindi ka na ganon?”
He was absentmindedly playing with my necklace while he answered my last question.
I think i learned more about him that day more than I did from the months that I know him. I learned that he felt pressured in college to have sex with a lot of girls because it was the culture in his circle of friends. He told me that there was a time he thought he got STD and got himself checked. He shared with me about his depression. He told me the story of how he became part of the church where she met my sister. He said that that church helped him clean up his life.
I was just looking at his face while he shared all these things to me. I watched the nuances in his expression. I was so fucking in love. And then I became suddenly so aware that i was naked except for my panties. And my necklace. While J was still completely dressed. I felt sexy.
“when was the last time you had sex?” I asked.
“tagal na rin. around 3 years ago.”
“weh? So kayo ni ate…?”
He just smiled and shrug.
“Ano ba kasi nangyari sa inyo?”
“Nilaayo ko raw sya kay Lord”
I know that sounded weird but I know my sister and the church they go to. They’re very religious and take dating seriously.
“Huh? In what way?” I asked.
“Magkaiba lang kami ng belief. Ako kasi naniniwala na it’s ok to have sex before marriage. Sya hindi. Hindi ko naman sya pinipilit na makipag sex sa akin pero pinipilit nyang magbago ako ng opinion about it. And then she said she can’t be with someone who believes it’s ok to have premarital sex. She even talked to my leaders in church about it. I got in trouble for that. Ngayon kakaiba na tingin nila sa akin. Para bang ang dumi dumi ko dahil sa paniniwala kong yun.”
He looked sad but also angry. He’s so handsome I wanna eat his face off.
“Eh kung ok lang pala sayo ang makipag sex, bakit 3 years ago pa huling sex mo?”
“Hindi naman dahil ok lang sakin ang premarital sex ibig sabihin na makikipag sex nalang ako kahit kanino. Gawain ko yun dati, pero na realize ko, ang empty makipagsex sa isang taong wala kang emotional connection.”
“Plano mo bang makipag sex sakin ngayon?”
He smiled and said, “Kung gusto mo lang naman” and then tickled me.
” So… Love mo ko?” I asked, in my most pabebe voice.
“I’ll be honest, ok? I care about you. And I do feel an emotional connection with you. And of course I love you. Pero I know I’m not in love with you yet. Is that ok with you?”
“I appreciate your honesty.” was all I said. He certainly knew I was already in love with him. Alam nyang marupok ako.
“Ikaw ba?” he asked, “are you planning on having sex with me?”
I’m too embarrassed to admit that having sex with him was all i thought about during the car ride to his condo. So I just kissed him.
I dont know why but I remember this kiss the most. It was sweet and tender and passionate. We were still under the covers. He was lying on his back and i was on my side, hugging him. He was touching my hair, my back, my thigh.
I kissed his his cheek and felt some stubbles against my lips. Kissed his chin. His neck. I love the smell of his sweat. I slid my hand under his shirt. He was warm and soft.
I kissed his throat and suck on his Adam’s apple. I felt him grunt. He turned over and lifted the covers off of us and threw them on the floor. He got on top of me, gently kissed me all over my face. He planted a kiss my forhead, each of my cheeks, my chin, my eyelids, the tip of my nose. I felt so intoxicated.
He moved down my neck. Kissing and sucking. Down to my collar bone. licking me in between ny breasts. Kissing my stomach. He went back up and kissed my lips. Then my ears. He whispered, “ang bango mo” I did not react but deep inside, I thanked the butter lotion.
His left hand was under my right breast and slowly crept up to cup it while he was making out with me. I let out a moan into his mouth. He stopped kissing me and just looked at me while his fingers are playing with my nipple. I was biting my lip and arching my back, trying to make him touch me more.
J kissed me on just under my left breast. He then slowly licked around it in smaller and smaller circles, while looking at my face. When his tongue reached my nipples, I was almost crazy. I never knew it could feel that good. He kissed and sucked and licked my breasts, leaving pinkish suck marks against my pale skin.
J sat up and peeled my panties off of me. I felt how wet and sticky it was and I was so embarassed. I know it’s normal but I still don’t want him to see it.
I was, however, proud of my newly shaved pussy. I felt smooth and soft. I was waiting for his reaction when he sees it but he seemed to think it’s nothing special and I was a little bit offended. He just pushed my legs wider and went right into kissing it.
Now let me talk about pussy licking. IT’S FUCKING AMAZING. I loooove it. It was like he was making out with my lips down there. He had his hands cupping my butt cheeks, sometimes squeezing. And then he planted a kiss on the top of my mound. Then the insides of my thighs. And then right on top of my clit. He then licked me from my hole up to my clit and settled there. Even before his tongue got into a rhythm, I was squirming. I was moaning loudly again, “uhh kuya, kuya, uh uhh please kuya please please uhh” And then with just a few flicks, I came. I pushed his head deeper into my crotch as my body arched.
J sat up and i pulled my legs towards me and i laid on my side, in a fetal position as I tried to catch my breath. I don’t know why but i always feel embarassed right after I come. I’m naked except for my necklace. J has not removed a single piece of clothing.
“ang hot mo panoorin” he was smirking. “ang bilis mo labasan. Di ko pa nga pinasok finger ko.”
I did not answer so he touched my feet and started massaging them. He moved up my legs. “Ang kinis mo.” I still did not answer so he just continued massaging me. We were silent for a while. Out of nowhere he grabbed both my ankles and pulled my legs to turn me over so I was lying on my back again.
J undressed quickly while kneeling between my legs. He started from his shirt then his pants and underwear. I tried not to look at his dick because I felt awkward. But J was not as fazed as I am about the fact that we were both naked.
He pulled my hips closer to him and spread my legs wider. He touched my clit with the tip of his dick. I instantly tensed up and felt myself get wet again. He hammered my clit with his dick. It felt so good that I dont know what to do with myself. I cupped my breasts with my hands while J was cooly watching me squirm with pleasure. He move his dick down to my hole and I thought he was going to put it in but he went right back up. And then down again. And then up. And I was dying for him to put it in.
I looked at him and said, “uhh kuya, please”
“please?” he asked.
I did not answer. He laid on top of me and kissed me on my lips.
“anong gusto mong gawin ko?” he asked.
I still didn’t answer. He kissed my neck. Then whisphered in my ear, “gusto mong kantutin kita?”
I felt my face burn. He looked at me and I just nodded.
“sabihin mo sakin.” he said “sabihin mong gusto mong magpakantot sakin”
I was too shy to say it.
He sat up and pointed his dick at my hole again. I thought he was going to put it in this time. But he just rubbed my pussy lips with it. I could feel my whole body throb. He started hammering my clit with his dick again. But everytime I feel myself nearing orgasm he would stop.
I felt my pussy throbbing. I couldn’t think properly. “Kuyaaa please” i begged.
“Sabihin mo na kasi” he teased.
“please kuya”
He hammered my clit again then rubbed his dick outside my hole. “uhh kuya uhh” he continued teasing my pussy “please kuya uh uh uh please please fuck mo ko please kuya please”
He stopped and said “gusto ko sabihin mo ‘kantot'”
He looked at me, waiting.
I looked at him in the eyes and whispered “kuya please… Kantutin mo ko… Please…”
“lakasan mo”
“please kuya kantutin mo ko”
And then he did.
I was practically dripping when J slid the head of his dick inside me. I thought it would hurt but it actually didn’t. My pussy just felt full. But then he pushed a little further and that’s when I felt the ripping. I grimaced and he paused. He laid on top of me and we were forehead to forehead.
“tignan mo lang ako sa mata” he said.
He pushed deeper. I felt the pain but I also felt good because he was watching my reaction the whole time and adjusting his movements based on how I felt and I thought that that was sweet.
I have no reference to compare his dick to but I just know that it was big because when he was all the way in, I thought, “this is probably what being pregnant feels like.” lol
He waited for me to get used to the sensation and then he started thrusting slowly. When I started to meet his thrusts he moved faster. Until we got into a rhythm that made the bed shook. I started moaning again. He put his hand around my neck and i felt vulnerable and i allow myself to feel that way.
“uhh kuya uhh uhh” he put his thumb inside my mouth while I moan.
He sucked on my neck as he fucked me. “uhh uhh kuyaaa” he put his ear near my mouth so he could hear my moans loudly.
He grunts occationally, but he’s mostly quiet. The only way I could feel his passion is through his thrusts. He was so gigil.
I on the other hand, was a moaner. I did not expect myself to be loud in bed. But i kept on saying “uhh kuya kuya please” and at one point i told him I love him. Which i was embarrassed about.
I was scratching his back but then he pinned my hands to my side. He sucked my earlobe and whispered, “puta, ang sarap mo”. I orgasmed right there and then. He continued thrusting while I convulsed and I was almost screaming “uhhh uhh kuya please uhhh”
I was panting so hard I thought I would hyperventilate. I was feeling lightheaded but he continued thrusting for quite some time. I started wondering if he would ever finish and whether I should do something to help him. But i don’t know what to do and i was basically pinned down under him. So I just lived in the moment and tried to memorize how I felt that time.
I memorized his grunts as he thrust. The smell of his sweat. The sound of our bodies colliding. The unique scent of sex that I can only describe as bitter. But what I love the most was his occasional swearing. He had always been a soft spoken man and he would talk about Jesus for hours. The juxtaposition drives me insane.
J suddenly sat up.
“Tapos ka na?” I asked him. I thought I would know kung nilabasan na sya.
He did not answer but he pulled out his dick. And then he guide it to my mouth.
This was the part I was most conscious about. I have seen girls in porn do a blow job but I don’t know what’s happening inside their mouths. I wished there was a tutorial online on how to do it properly.
Anyway, he pried my lips open with his dick and I let him put himself inside my mouth. J gently thrusts as I tried to accustom myself to breathing with a dick in my mouth. He face fucked me for a while but then maybe I was not doing it right becaused he pulled out and guided my hand to stroke his dick in the rhythm he likes. He likes it fast and hard.
I stroke it while he was kneeling on top of me and was looking down on my face.
He moved back to my pussy and slide his dick inside me again. He was super aggressive this time and it kinda hurt.
He leaned his arms on the headboard and fucked me like crazy.
“Tangina ugh” I feel a jolt in my stomach everytime he cursed. “Puta. Sarap mong kantutin. Tangina ka”
“Uh uh sige lang kuya uh please please sige pa ugh kuya”
He put his hand around my throat again while thrusting hard. “Putangina ugh ugh. Kalibog ka tangina mo”
And then I felt it. He exploded inside of me and his grip on my neck tighten. “fuck tangina”
J laid down on top of me and continued thrusting gently. “sarap mo” he whispered. I kissed him on the lips. I felt like crying again. But I tried not to. He kissed my forehead. “sarap mo” he said again. Kissed my neck “sarap mo”. Kissed my armpit “sarap mo” Kissed my breasts. “sarap mo” again and again and again
I felt like a goddess.
He asked me if i wanted to stay the night. I told him no. We grabbed some dinner and he drove me home. He kissed my hand as I was going out of the car.
I felt sore for days. A week in, while I was taking a shower, I realized I would never have another first time. And I cried for hours.
It’s been three weeks and I haven’t seen J yet but we still texts like we used to. I haven’t visited my sister yet. J and I haven’t talked about what us having sex meant. I don’t know if that meant we are in a relationship. I don’t know how to explain that to my sister. I feel like I’m stuck in a limbo but I’m not really in a hurry to get out. I’m still processing my emotions until now. I didn’t know it was such a big deal